Written in 2019, while I was in transition and still living in the USA. I decided to re-post as a testament to the importance of self reinvention.

We all face challenges, either real or imaginary. This example shows how we can create a way beyond. We can do this in the face of real challenges, like health, and imaginary fears.

Chance Meetings,

We met a Starbucks, latter part of 2019, over a casual while waiting for lattes. Another chance meeting was at my favorite spot for discounted skin care and scented candles. A few weeks later, I walked into Starbucks for yet another study session. I found “her” settled into a seat in my favorite sun-drenched corner. It was between the “pick up” corner and the door.

Her Curiosity

She was a military wife for almost to 20 years. She had three children with her husband, lived all over the world, now renting a home in the local area. She knew I was a woman of similar age. I was an NYC native and a former expatriate who had never married. I was also a full-time student with no children. She sat comfortably with her dandled feet crossed over the store ottoman. While she knitted what would be a brightly colored hat, I settled into a chair in the same corner.
After a few inquiries about single life: “I retired from dating years ago.” She asked about my plans once after University . “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m getting closer” I replied with enthusiasm.

The Questions Being

“How are you?” I asked and the whole conversation turned. She just learned that she was in need of a heart transplant. She was a few years younger than myself. Her skin glowed. She had thick, dark, wavy hair, expertly coiffed into a sleek pixie cut. Her frame was petite and thick yet shapely. She appeared the picture of health and vitality.

Her Challenge

She explained that her marriage of eighteen years had been strained by emotional distance. There was also infidelity on both sides. Her children who once, filled the void of affection were now teenagers looking for independence. There was a time when family and marital security were enough. She was hungry for a new life, feeling crippled by a failing heart and the benefits of security.

“I look at you and wonder if I am capable of being independent, but I’m terrified! I have no place to go if I fail.” She tried to control the tears that began to cascade down her plumb cheeks. “You travel, you’re in school, you answer to no one!” “I have no-one to fall back on”. Touched by the compliment, I replied “I doubt myself, every day, but the only choice is to push thru”. My desires to be married disappeared. Instead, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the uphill battle. It built my resilience.

A Path onward,

“What would you want for yourself, if you were in perfect health”? Let’s starve the
disease, by looking beyond. I cautioned her against over glamorizing “the life of a single woman”. If you want to replace your husband, you’ll be disappointed.

I reminded her that she had access to a host of benefits. As the wife of a military veteran, she could use these benefits for education. In two years you can earn an associate’s degree by your 20th anniversary, and reassess your situation. She explained that she remained in her marriage for several reasons. She enjoyed the benefits at the moment and also considered the benefits available if she divorced after the 20th anniversary. “I
don’t even know what I want to study” she cried. “What do you do well?”

You cook for your family. The culinary classes are fun (I’ve heard) and your family eats your assignments . Look at the time and resources at your disposal and leave the rest to the universe. After all No-one of knows when our time is up, we’re all just making the best of what we have.

In this case she was facing some serious health problems, she literally needed a new heart. The other was fear of leaving a life of what she perceived as security. The emotional response to fear was clouding her ability to see the resources at her disposal. As I mention in my e-book, gather your resources.

In the end our home, our health and everything we hold dear is fragile. If it can all be gone in an instant is it security? Is it security if you don’t want to go home, at the end of the day? Is it security if you detest your job and environment where you spend the majority of your waking hours?

I still don’t remember her name…