by Thembi Costa Susini | NYCGurlxpat

As we approach the final stages of planning our second wedding ceremony here on the vineyard, I’ve had to sit with some difficult truths.

It is no surprise—but still a sting—that the number of American guests planning to attend has quietly dwindled. There have been no arguments. No dramatic scenes. Just gentle apologies, long pauses, and eventually, silence.

I don’t blame anyone. Not really.

We are all navigating complicated times.

My parents are aging. Many of my loved ones back home are now caregivers themselves. Others are navigating financial uncertainty, family crises, or emotional burnout. I know this. And still… it hurts to see my husband’s disappointment 

🌍 Love Across the Atlantic

This second ceremony wasn’t for me—not really.

It was for them. For my family.

My husband was so tenderly committed to the idea of my father walking me down the aisle, to giving my family the opportunity to witness us in this beautiful life we’ve created—wild thyme, Syrah grapes, Mediterranean sunsets and all.

But the reality is, the ocean between us feels wider than ever.

And I’m starting to ask myself questions I hadn’t fully considered.

💔 The Distance No One Talks About

There’s a loneliness that sometimes creeps in when you begin a new chapter—especially one rooted in joy.

You realize how far you’ve come… and how far you’ve drifted.

I’ve always been the independent one. The traveler. The helper. The organizer. The woman who makes things happen.

But what I once called “self-sufficiency,” I now recognize as something more complicated: a trauma response to chronic disappointment.

That independence brought me to France. It made me brave. It gave me the life I live now—ripe with meaning, love, and simplicity.

But it also insulated me from expecting too much from others.

And that insulation feels like it’s cracking.

💬 What’s in a Name?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my name.

With passport renewal around the corner, I’ll soon need to decide whether to officially change it—to become Madame Susini in full.

I’ve carried Thembi Costa for over 50 years.

That name is a mosaic of all I’ve survived, created, rebuilt.

But what happens when the old life no longer fits?

When your emotional support system starts to fade—not from malice, but time, and circumstance?

Am I honoring my past by keeping that name… or holding onto something that no longer serves who I’ve become?

Is it time to start fresh?

Reinvention Isn’t Always Pretty

This season feels like pruning. Not rejection. Not erasure. Just… seasonal maintenance.

The buds of my new marriage, my new name, my new life—are beginning to bloom.

But the overgrowth of my past needs care too.

Some memories get composted. Others get framed.

🌀 If You’re Feeling the Pull of Change…

You’re not alone.

Letting go is hard—even when you’ve asked for what’s on the other side.

Even when you love what’s on the other side.

If your support system is shifting, your identity is evolving, or you’re questioning who you are without old roles, old expectations, old names—I see you.

✨Journal Prompt

 What version of yourself are you being asked to release right now?

 What version are you being invited to become?

💌 Ready for Your Own Reinvention?

My private coaching sessions are for women navigating identity shifts, solo growth, and major life pivots—with curiosity and courage.

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With fuchsia sunsets + lavender grace,

Thembi

NYCGurlxpat | Thyme & Intention